On the Brink of Alleluia - Last day of the 45 day fast.

My stomach is rumbling and I am on the brink of Alleluia.

Today is day 45 - the last day of the fast I began on Ash Wednesday, February 17th. (still time to donate!)

In a matter of hours, the Easter Vigil will begin at my parish, St. Cecilia's in Toronto. For the 45 days of Lent Catholics do not sing Alleluia, but tonight at the Easter Vigil we will sing. We will sing and we will celebrate the mystery of Jesus Christ, whom death could not defeat.

Ryan's scale this morning

And after we sing, I will eat. There will be a meal of delicious meats, cheese, salad, bread and wine. There will be a meal and there will be a phone call - to my friend and colleague, Ryan Worms. He will be breaking his own fast at the same time in Montreal today. Yes, the best thing about this fast has been doing it together. As he wrote today,  "Une soupe par jour, le résultat est sur la balance et dans nos coeurs." (One soup per day, the result is on the scale and in our hearts.)

When I look in my heart, what is it I find after 45 days as I stand here, hours away from Alleluia and hunger still in my stomach?

My scale this morning

I find the hunger has fed my heart - my spritual desire. In my heart is a deeper yearning for our mission at Development and Peace. I so want others to join us in our search for a better world.

There is also a deep understanding in my heart that it is a great privilege be able to choose to break my fast. It is a choice that so many of our brothers and sisters do not have. For them the fast continues. The burden of hunger will not be lifted from their shoulders as it will be from mine. For that reason,  Ryan and I have both told each other that we would like to try and continue to fast in a similar manner at least one day a week.

Sharing soup together...

My heart is lighter (and not just because my body is). Along with the spiritual desire is also a spiritual peace. In some strange way, the self-denial has brought with it a liberation and self-fulfillment. Somehow, knowing that I can go without food has deepened my knowledge that there are a great many things that I can go without in my life.

When I look into my heart I see desire, understanding, and a spiritual peace - here on the brink of Alleluia.